Where there is yaoi, there will always be seme/uke, bottom/top, but what exactly does this mean? Traditionally, the bottom is an effeminate, overly shy twink, OR the fire breathing tsundere who squeaks at the first sign of a cock. Thank goodness many authors are transforming these archetypes. However, there is another bottom that is slowly making their debut in the yaoi world, and they’re called "closet ukes."

Now I know what you’re thinking: What’s a closet uke? Well essentially they’re "semes" who haven’t had the opportunity to be topped yet. Think, Cain from Starfighter. Aggressive, rugged, violent as hell, and a moaning bottom getting pegged by Abel’s twink ass. That was a shocker even for me to be completely honest, but I can see the development in Hamlet’s mind. There are three seme’s who I think fit into this "Closet uke" category.

After reading my copy of Teahouse Chapter 2, it is in my humble opinion, that Reed is actually a "Closet bottom". 

Evidence: Rory's freakishly huge cock is the reason he wants Rory. He tells Rhy's this in an "extra" in the chapter. Now, I'm no expert on the matter, though I've had my fair share of ass, but why would a top need a bottom with a big cock? What's in it for him unless he's planning on using said erroneous, erection. 

Evidence: Reed's evaluation of Rory while he's jerking off is very....specific:

"Lips too thin, arms and legs too skinny, his chest isn't broad enough." To put it bluntly, Reed wants a manly man, not some skinny twink. 

Evidence: My final proof is when Rory is jerking off and he cums fast. Reed thinks "Oh, he's fast, we'll have to work on that." Now this can be interpreted more ways than one. It's better if the bottom isn't cumming really fast, because well, it takes a min. for a guy to get it back up after orgasm. So I can understand Reed not wanting that "wait time" between Rory's premature ejaculations. But, his face as he was thinking this was very: Beyoncé: I am Sasha Fierce.

Closing: Give Rory about 3 years to finish puberty, and he will be humping Reed's ass all through that tea house. 

*Hears the gasp as you’re reading*

Yes, Iason "So Icy" Mink. Let me start by saying, I’ve read all 8 books of ANK, and watched both original and remake OVA’s multiple times- not that I’m bragging of course.

Evidence: Iason’s Cock worship. I have never seen a seme so infatuated with his uke’s penis, since well… Reed from Teahouse. Putting a pet ring on your uke is one thing, but this dude loves grabbing Riki’s package.

Now the argument can be made that he’s just "pleasuring his uke", but that claim doesn’t really make sense if you think about the dynamic in this relationship. When they meet, Riki is this smug little punk who Iason wants to teach a lesson to. So why pleasure Riki’s cock instead making Riki pleasure his own? Even Riki questions this in the novel. "The foreplay could not possibly be thought of in terms of mutual satisfaction. Loathing the one-sided nature of the frottage, he tried to shrug it off. Deliberately and surely, Iason forced a full comprehension of his tenaciousness on Riki’s consciousness."

Iason is obsessed with Riki’s brutal, edgy personality and the power of his spirit. Why? I can understand if he was the aggressive type that liked to fight it out, but Iason liked to control Riki without violence. When Iason finds out Guy mutilated Riki (Spoiler!!! By cutting off his dick to get the pet ring.) Iason goes all kinds of cray. It was that Mortal Kombat chest punch that sent Guy flying after Iason found out about the pet ring.

Evidence: Dat Hair flip! You know the one I’m talking about. *_*

Now don’t get me wrong, any man can have a moment of fabulousness once and a while, but Iason is beyond the one time diva.

You can’t even get that eyebrow arch in a Dominican threading salon in Harlem. He’s sexy. And he knows it. His body is much more tantalizing than Riki’s. His hair is platinum and long with that Farrah Faucet bang at the front, and the fashion sense of Tanagura cat walker. Honestly, the dude looks like a 90’s supermodel, and beyond his outward sexy, his inner uke shows all throughout the Ova and novel. This leads me to the final evidence.

Evidence: Iason’s really just a high class Uke. His main grief throughout the entire novels and OVA’s is Riki’s bloodline. Riki is, well a mongrel: a low class, an "undesirable." It’s one of the main conflicts in the story. If Riki was a born citizen of Tanagura, Iason would definitely let Riki hit that firm ass. Everything he did to Riki, down to taking Mimea away from him, boiled down to jealousy. And why was he so jealous? Because Mimea got that D he was feigning for. A great excerpt from the novel is, "For the man [Iason] was aware that at the base of his haughty convictions, there swirled a whirlpool of twisted jealousy towards Mimea."

Iason is a very insecure uke too. He worries - a lot. You would think a man who has everything: wealth, status, power, wouldn’t have that much to be insecure about. However in the novels, we see that’s just NOT the case. Iason is the one yearning for Riki. Iason is the one acknowledging his love. He is the one raging against the status quo. In the final showdown between him and Guy, most people see Seme versus Seme, I see uke versus uke. They’re fighting for Riki’s heart, not his body.

Conclusion: Don’t misunderstand me, if they would have ended up together, Iason would not have bent over begging Riki to fuck him, at least not right away. With Iason, everything is baby steps. When he and Riki first meet he refuses to take off his clothes, then he refuses to have sex with him, then he refuses to let him leave the tower. He eventually gives in to all of these temptations, and I truly believe his final pillar is that ass of his. Good luck Riki. In my fanfic dreams you’ve conquered it.

I don’t even know if this one needs to be outed. Fumihiro is the classic uke. The only reason Shunpei hasn’t gotten Fumi’s ass yet is because he’s an idiot, and hasn’t seized the opportunity. Fumihiro and Shunpei ALMOST switch in Vol. 3 chapter 14, until Fumihiro’s mom walks in on the two of them. Note that Fumihiro was VERY disappointed looking.

Yea! This face! :T

However, we love Fumi and we want to see his glorious uke moments anyway.

NUFF SAID!!!

Final: Fei Long from You’re My Loveprize in Viewfinder

Fei Long-Fei Long-Fei Long. Most people consider him an "extra" character, but he’s pretty much the main antagonist in more than half the finder series. Now a lot of people have conceded that Fei Long is definitely seke (top and bottom). However, I’m here to oust him as the closet uke he is.

Evidence: He’s in love with the God of semes. I’m talking about Asami in case you, I don't know, have never read the yaoi bible You’re my Loveprize in Viewfinder. Asami is your classic overzealous, aggressive, possessive, "I will kill you and throw your ass in the pacific", yakuza seme. Their initial interaction Fei Long was seen giving Asami the most severe side eye I’ve ever seen in a manga. The "bitch, you tried me", after Asami took Akihito from him. Speaking of Akihiko, the only bottom we see Fei Long with, was he reallyever into Akihito? There was a lot of lazing and idle time between them when they were together. The initial relationship was pure spite against Asami, but then Fei Long grew to like Akihito as a friend. This scene kind of sums it up perfectly.

Emie Translation: Dude, every time some shit goes down with Asami or your shitty job, you always want to fuck myass. Stop fooling yourself, my hole is not going to satiate the desires you have.

Note: In my mind these two are besties.

Evidence: I know what you’re saying; well of course he’s going to be uke with Asami. Yes! True! But he was also uke in his dream with the older Tao.

And by "knows you better than anyone", he means "know you want the D". Fei Long has Misaki (Jounjou Romantica) style uke pheromones wafting from him. There was that security guard, clearly seme, (confessed to him in Vol. 5 chapt. 30) and there’s also there’s the Russian guy Mikhail (minor eye candy) who is all over Fei Long’s ass.

Final Evidence: Asami says it so it must be true.

Yes the God of seme’s pretty much says "you’re an uke in seme’s clothing".

Did you see that ass twitch? That was Fei Long’s ass saying "Ah! Yes!"

Conclusion: I think this is one of those fine line situations. While Fei Long would never uke with someone like Akihito, he definitely prefers the bottom. This is why he and Akihito seem more friendly than romantic, because Fei Long was just "not that into him". Two ukes can’t work, and not only that, he realizes that Akihito feels the same way he feels about his beloved seme Asami. He treated Aki the way he did initially because he was jealous, and after that because he was lonely. Butdeep down inside, Fei is just a dying to get his cherry popped uke.

"Emie, you just want to believe these men are bottoms for your own personal fantasy". While that is absolutely true, I also genuinely believe these points to be valid, and my assessment to be true. After reading all of this, if you still think my arguments have no basis, and I’m just a rambling fanboy reaching for a root for his theories, I’m here to tell you- you’re right. Ha-ha!